Posted by: johnthelibertine | August 11, 2008

Jack ‘John’ Thomas out to regulate virtual worlds.

MIAMI, Florida – August 11, 2008: Everyone’s favorite lawyer, veteran anti-gamer Jack ‘John’ Thomas is at it again protecting good old family values and the online safety of our children. This time he has virtual worlds vendors in his sights.

As Thomas explains; “Some people spend up to 25 hours a day populating online virtual world environments such as BeenThere, 22nd Lives, @work and World of Penguins…having fun, but at the expense of their real life physiological needs”.

He has a point………

A part-time secretary in the paid service of the Florida attorney has proven that it is entirely feasible that several innocent young  Americans kids between the age of 7 and 87 could have died from forgetting to breathe in the real world whilst dressed as penguins in the virtual world. The number of people who have been injured has not been fully established but is “very possibly likely to be somewhere between zero and six million” according to Thomas’s secretary. “There is no health warning on these applications when you first log into them. People are not warned that dressing up their avatars as virtual penguins and forgetting to breathe in the real world is bad for them.”

“I intend to force the multinational giants of the virtual worlds industry to recognize the damage that their applications are having on the health of our youth,” said Johnson who plans to launch a $9.5billion class action suit against 45 “purveyors of virtual world-based filth.”

“My critics claim that I am only doing this for the 10% fee income generation that I will earn but nothing could be further from the truth. I have only the health of our youth at heart,” said the very smartly attired Thomas shortly before getting into his $250,000 Aston Martin Vanquish sports coupe and heading off to his next meeting with his personal wealth management consultant.

The Sauce can only admire Jack ‘John’ Thomas’s selfless motivation and commitment to improving the virtual safety of our children’s future. Go Jack!


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